The very IDEA she thought it would be okay for me to share her bed and the bedroom with her instead of finding a rental with three bedrooms. At all unless its with his mom or another woman. If he wants something he demands it and she gets it for him. I also worry about her being teased by other kids if they find this out. They act like boyfriend and girlfriend. To start sighting specific references would imply a level of due diligence the author was clearly not interested in pursing. I think its sick. Dealing with this early on can prevent future social problems. They need to get it. He was with his father this weekend and slept Friday through Sunday night with him, wanted to sleep with his mom on Monday night, but fell asleep in his own bed before she got in there. I was baffled.. But as a child it was very hurting for me to be asked to sleep alone when during those days i didn’t have mobile phone, laptop or too much of homework or friends to keep me busy. Originally Answered: At what age should a child stop sleeping with his/her parents? This is all wrong, and I am getting to the point that I am being the bad guy and having to tell the mom to let him grow up some. To make matters worse, when we have a disagreement she will move her son back into our bed knowing that it gets under my skin. She is always touchy feely with her daughters and many times it is uncomfortable for me to be around them because it gets overly romantic. I purchased him not one but two beds ( one twin closer to our room and a queen for his bedroom) hoping it would help. I have an 11 year old stepson who still sleeps with his mom in her bed when she has him and he wants to sleep in our bed with us (my husband) when he is at our house. I’m not usually nasty like this at all, I also hate to brag, but think of the teens, again like myself, who have no choice but to share a small bedroom with their mother, father, parents, whatever really. Same problem here!! No, There Isn’t a Trophy Just For Showing Up, Keeping Cheese Fresh – Tips for Keeping your Cheese at it’s Best, Storing Brown Sugar – How to Keep it Soft. He had many medical So, though there are clearly some differences, you are not completely alone. I used to call him daddy when it’s just us, but I had to try hard not to though when other people are around because of the kind of looks I get. Plus not her fault at all but mom lost a child before me so I was sheltered. Teach them everything is ok That shower reference is so stupid it makes my brain hurt. I even want to confront him myself and tell him can you please not sleep in the bed with her and make her go back to her room. PS: the mom has anger issues & was a spouse beater. To each family, their own. Schooles have been closed for over 2 months and he loves the heck out of it. It’s an unsettling feeling I have.. There has been tines where he has taken off all his clothes to change, or just got out of the shower, and didn’t even ask his daughter to leave the room So he can change. The kid has his own room, so they call it his room, but all his belongings are still in their room and he is afraid to sleep in his room. At what age should a child no longer sleep in their parents' bed? . My husband, (his father) wound up sleeping in my sons bed. Not exactly where you want to sleep, a stinky 11 year old boys bed! But it’s nice for us to get a little time for me to hug him close. And the sooner these things begin the better off the kids will be in the future. Even slept with him durring holidays when I had plenty of time away from uni. ", If you are stuck in the middle between a disapproving partner and a kid who refuses to sleep without you, Tricia K. suggests adding a sleep place for your child in your room: "My son is two and he has his own bed on the floor of our bedroom. Yup, it will last until she is 13, at which point she will be sleeping in bed with every 14 year old boy that she comes across. Do hell with your concept of let the child sleep alone, and all those psychological factors of child’s growth related to that. Save them. It will help them grow better and feel the love and warmth. Not only does she see him naked, sleep with him, but she also doesn’t have any chores at his house, because he makes his son do it all, and when he would talk about doing things, and going olaces, he would always say he needs to bring his daughter, but never his son.. Is it me, or is this a little strange?? So we co slept often so I could be aware of his status. Wow…the reason I found this thread was because I wanted to know if my 10 yr old son was the only kid in the world that still wants to sleep with his Mom! Learn how your comment data is processed. We are a “snuggle” family. That can be emotionally detrimental to your child. That’s all it was ofcourse. A mom named Elfrieda, for instance, suggests that if you have a child who is eager to please, it might be a good idea to make sure you're not guilting him into it: "If he's very keen on pleasing you, he might keep sleeping in your bed long after he wishes he could be on his own." He comes and get in my husband’s and my bed if he wakes at night. You’ll be OK. We were all screwed up by our parents and there us always therapy. He is doting on the daughter – she is the “golden child” – and putting everything bad on the son – he is the “scapegoat.” The way this dynamic works, your kids will end up being scapegoated as well – as you saw when your daughter tried to get in bed with you because she was not feeling good and he wasn’t having it. I’m not quite sure exactly ~why~ I co-sleep with her but we have been through some stuff together and I feel safer sleeping in her bed . she looked at him and then looked back at the TV like it was nothing.. Take It One Step at a Time. When we told the it was kind of weird that the share a room and bed they got mad. And before you say, yes my son is now seeing a therapist. Snuggle time is not something your child should need at age 8, 9 or 10. So, I think it depends on so many veriables, the child, the parents, the back grounds, reasons… I would not recommend. I see both sides, especially because of my son’s health issues. And he knows hee loved Even with the rules. Around 24% believed that co sleeping shouldn’t occur to begin with. Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. You are asking for trouble. He does go to friend’s houses for occasional sleepovers and he can fall asleep in his own bed, but it’s still a nightly pleading that I am faced with. She goes to bed at 10 at night and has been doing that for the Last 5 Years. Let's stay updated! What age should a child stop sleeping with their parents? Also, I’m not messed up, I have straight A’s, before Coronavirus came to America, I worked as a receptionist at my orthodontists office, to help my mother pay the bills, and I’m not into any social media at all. That’s all he’s known since birth. If this dad is your boyfriend…..or husband you will not be dating much longer if you think or continue your thinking. And for most parents, even those who swore up and down that they WOULD NOT allow their child to sleep with them, it happens almost accidentally. It is to the point that I am about to leave because of the arguing. We are not to let our children be that dividing line between our spouses. Is there an age where a child should not sleep with mom or dad? It’s important to get yourself and your kids out of there ASAP. It’s interesting you say this. That is right you can’t because the kid is in your bed. ( WHAT ) does everyone thinks here of my ex wife sleeping with my son that is 11yrs old sleeping in the same bed in the nude both don’t wear cloths is this natural or is it consider child abuse? If that’s not messed up, nothing ever will be. Gross!! My step daughter allows her 3 youngest children to sleep with her. Probably won’t want to take out the tray or Ave any responsibility either! I had a friend who was wondering if this was wrong or right, decided to surf the net and see what other parents and docs say. Now is is better and Now we r feeling stuck. In India, most children share the bed with their parents … He thinks this is OK. What do you think? he is an only child and so was she. I have no problem sleeping on my own, I actually enjoy to. Either sleep with mom or on the floor kind of thing. What all of you are doing is ruining your children for life. My boyfriends 10 year old sone still sleeps with his mother every night at home and her husband sleeps in another room. They saw I was naked, so they took their clothes off and climbed into bed with me and curled up with me and cuddled into my warm naked embrace and I could feel their warmth. Why on Earth would anyone put a 13 year old girl and 15 year old boy in the same room? This whole topic has me shaking my head. But of course the earlier you set your boundaries the better off you will be. If one can’t manage to respect a child’s emotion, no need of having a child. To make matters worse, she has a boyfriend and I know they cosleep. 90% of such kids have devilish intentions already, as their plan is to see what mom and dad are doing all night. If you are ok with it fine. There also comes a time in a marriage where co-sleeping will greatly, if not gravely affect the marital relationship. In my strongest conviction, allowing this to continue, you replace the connection that should be growing with your spouse with your child. where did you get your psychiatry degree? I also told him to either set her room up and get her a bed or tell her she can visit on his weekends but cannot sleep over until she has her own bed. But there is consensus on one point: that age can be different for each child. Please help me decide what to do, my mom and dad still makes me sleep with them and I’m thirteen I keep hiding my erecting think.i tried my best explaining them still the want me to sleep with them.please somebody help. I think they are doing him a disservice. They put their arms around me and their head on my chest and fell asleep. In March of 2007, the New York Times published a research article on this very subject. At what age should a child stop sleeping with their parent? I enjoy my sleep naked and won’t let no kid in this world take that away from me. I’m an 11 year old and I still sleep with a special stuffed animal and a special blanket but sometimes I can’t sleep so I go get in bed with my mom idk why I just can help it, My 13 year old sleeps in my bed every night he’s at my house. Roxanne F. brought the issue of her "disapproving husband" to the Circle of Moms communities and got some great advice. Am I the only one who see’s a problem with this? 8 hours ago, by Mekishana Pierre Advise, and/or comments would be great.. but please nothing rude!!! Really? My wife will not compromise and will not set a deadline to move her son permanently into his own bed. But as his partner, i am on the outside. That’s ridiculous for anyone other than you and him to be in that bed. 20 hours ago, by Kelsie Gibson And since there are no laws surrounding an age when children shouldn’t sleep in a parent’s bed, this becomes grey area. (He is in 5th grade now.) He is just used to and comfortable with going to sleep w Mommy while we are home. She may always have it on her bed and that's ok too. 1 6. !! Made me have homosexual tenancies. Or camp? I really need help on how I can change, but I can’t have my own room nor can I have my own bed. But his daughter feels the need to sleep with her dad every time they are at his house. Can you guys not hate me for doing research or commenting on this article like some other people (I’m talking about you dee dee) . When his son is with us, I have to sleep in another room so he can sleep with his dad. Especially at that age… it’s not right. But I really don’t know what to do, should I say something? My dad was a single parent and had to raise me by himself. Why should a child be made to wake up to a disagreement between adults and then find himself at the center of it? He will sleep in his own bed when he is at our house but he crys before he goes to sleep and doesn't understand why he can't sleep with us. I will grow out of it In a couple months and I don’t get what’s a big deal about it . Omg snuggle family wtf is wrong with you??? What you are describing is clearly indicative that your boyfriend (hopefully former by now) is a narcissistic parent. What about a father spending the night at his 19 year old daughters house that lives the next city over? I have family member who sleeps with HER 15year old son. We read to him which he LOVES, then we sing him a song. Everything you described is inappropriate to the max. He’s getting big. I’m so distraught. More than a father daughter relationship. As long as there is no sexual actions, no problem. And share her bed to watch a movie?? People of all ages love stuffed animals. Listen women, if your lonely, buy a dog. He has my 13 year old nephew that recently moved in and sleeps on the bottom bunk, so at least he has company in his room now. They use to had showers together. Great, Click the ‘Allow’ Button Above Kisses her on the head softly 4 times. We wonder why our society is so messed up? Cracker Jacks? The oldest is 10 and when she spends the night with us (her grandparents) she insists on sleeping in our bed. I don’t know how it feels for the couple. On the flip side, he is a great dad and attentive to her every call. It’s going to end our relationship. Living busy lives, every family bonds differently. Be assertive and consistent but not emotional. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son, and I love cuddling with him in the bed when we play Wordscape, or watch tv. What needs to be addressed are the issues that surround the co sleeping. My great grand daughter sleeps just with her dad. I agree these kids don’t know any other way and they won’t change as they get older I agree with your statement. . You people are sick. He had a crib but it was never used. Hi, I just had to weigh in and tell my story. It says in her online bio she has her name attributed to ” thousands” of articles. All kids grow and mature in their own time and she will stop sleeping with it when she is ready. Sadly it makes me not really look forward to him coming because I know it’s hands of and separate sleeping for us. Children learn to venture away from home with sleep-overs beginning about age 8. Posted Nov 26, 2012 I lay on the floor until he falls asleep. It has been 5 years. Plenty of bedrooms and beds. 15 year old boys! I bet when he does NT want o shower that’s ok to he will when he feels like it in his lifetime. You shouldn’t pass judgment on others just because it’s different from what you did. Your job is to set boundaries. So don’t scold her when she comes up pregnant at 13 years old. Help? I speak from experience. Fast forward 7 1/2 years later, we’re divorced. As her grandmother, it is very hard to get her to come do things with me unless mommy is there. I understand the snuggle time and creating great relationships but there does come a time when it is inappropriate. As an educator I feel it’s very important for 11 year old children to have their own bed , space and sleep in it , to enabling their social and emotional development. I made it a fun experience where I would sing to him a cute song and after the song he would get off. ", If you are married or in a relationship, and having kids in the bed every night is causing problems with your partner, it can be a tough choice. Even more common, whether parents admit it or not is that allowing your children to sleep with you can be downright easier than fighting with a fussy toddler at bedtime night after night after night. I’m so tired of hearing parents say that their kid will decide, I’ve even heard this about potty training, after I told the mom we put my 6month old on a baby toilet once a day she scolded me. To my family, this is ok because it’s all they know, but to any outsiders, they look at it as if it were child abuse.To me they have a guilty conscience. …now you see how this selfish/convenient behavior of parenting has mentally injured this child. I told my husband if he wants to somehow fulfill a feeling of guilt by sleeping with his son he can go lay in his bed with him. Boyfriend has a 8 yr old son and I have 7yrold daughter (who sleeps by herself, in her own bed) but my boyfriend think it’s okay to allow his 8yr old son to sleep with us!! So, if you put a mattress in your room and don't mind laying with your child until they fall asleep and then getting back in bed...that might work.". I find this not healthy for us as a couple so as important as his Son is Our relationship has had its time of strange allowances time for moving on . If leave his ass. I was, and still am, terrified that he will die in his sleep. Parents should not impose a fixed age limit and fixed method of making child sleep alone. I’m not sure which came first: the dependency or the co-sleeping. It’s certainly not ‘normal,’ at least as far as statistics show. I do spend a little time with my kids, but they developing into independent adults in a couple yrs. May be a bit of a late response, but I can’t help but notice a lack of input from those who have slept with their parents when they were “too old” to be doing so; so I decided to throw in my own piece. Its so weird to me that I will no longer allow my children to be over with them alone without my wife or I. I mean come on what gives already? I repeatedly asked for my own bed and was put off or told things like “it would break up the furniture set,” which struck me as trivial and a bad reason to not change things. They just turned 6. If you're wondering when this day should arrive in your home, or how to make the transition, here are three helpful suggestions — gathered from moms who fall on both sides of the family bed debate. I get home from work late at night and have to remove him to his own bed at circa 2 AM every night. I live with someone and his 9 yr old daughter sleeps in the bed with us on the other side of him. Before I do this again, I just wanted other people’s opinions? Eating from his plate. Though the most recent safe sleep guidelines suggest that parents share a room with their little ones until they're at least 6 months old, a new study finds that might not be the best thing for either baby or the rest of the family.. Last October, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) released updated recommendations suggesting … A mother let her son sleep with her till the age of 13. Please note, as this is a peer-to-peer discussion board, Netmums has not … Should a pubescent boy who wakes up every morning with an erection, be sleeping next to his mother? She’s fifteen. Why not according to child’s comfort and needs make this happen? But if not, that’s ok with me. Doug, you must not have a lot experience with the world then, parents can have sex with each other outside of “bed time” and away from their child(ren) at the same time. my twins just turned 12 and I had a long talk with them and set a date for them to sleep in their own bed, no matter what. I want to address this with her grandma I find it so inappropriate that a grown man would allow this. What age should daughters not be consistently sleeping in the same bed as their dad? I even told him I felt uncomfortable, and yet he did nothing.. his son would try to sleep with us too, but he would tell him no, but never his daughter. Hes 19 now. Lays on top of him on the lay back chair. It took me until he was about 10 yrs old to get him in his own bed. 9 out of 10 of his friends have or continue to cosleep. Not to mention, the resentment your child will likely carry for the person taking their place in your bed. For this I will never sleep in the same bed as my step son and if necessary I will move to another room to sleep. The next day he wakes up just as normal and no one from the outside would even know he is a big baby. Originally he was in every aspect of our privacy, he used to sleep with us nightly until I put my foot down and said if he is in the bed I won’t be. I have three boys and a girl all that I’ve never slept with only if they were sick or if they had a bad dream but they still went in their room until they fell asleep and I was right there. Then tells her to come into bed 30 mins later when I have gone into the other room. And now I’m a Nudist so old lol. Do What's Best For You and Your Partner. Meanwhile, i skiing on my own. My stepdaughter (almost 10 years old) sleeps in my husband’s bed whenever she is at his house unless I’m staying there that night. Its upsetting, forgive me for wincing! I agree. responsible? I know someone today who has an 10 year old going on 11 and he must sleep with her every night and have her full attention 24/7. Poor kid. (I have seen this to vary depending on the personality of the child but it is generally true.). I do feel guilty because, I’m not with my ex anymore and just think to myself that one day he’s not gonna want me around and I should take advantage of this time that he does. My fiance thinks nothing of it. Why not you ask? (I am in no way taking sides.) Co-sleeping, often referred to as bed sharing, is one of those hot button issues that receives as much hostility from those defending their position as breastfeeding does. But isn’t it always?? But, when I was growing up, my best friends dad would occasionally let his younger daughter sleep with him and as a kid, I thought that was strange because my relationship with my father wasn’t healthy. They think it’s cute that he still wants to cuddle, but I think that baby part of life is over, and it’s time to prepare him for being a young adult already. As a father with a co-sleeping child in the house (not by my own choice and I strongly wish it were not true) I might have some insight. Don’t damage your children. He go an ac for the bedroom and I said Your son will want one in his room and he said why he can sleep with me .. He has her and her younger brother on weekends. Ok then you are one weirdo! He doesn’t have to fake cry for long before he gets whatever he wants. She is now 10 yrs old and I see issues that are created by this. I have nephew who slept in his parents bed for years. When I was 13 he got a different job and started working from home, we had a whole lot more time to spend together. No wonder everyone cries out that this generation of kids are “coddled” too much and complete wusses. My son 11 and daughter 15 and we all enjoy with my wife. Example: a family ski trip for five days When he comes to my house he now vomits at bed time, and in bed. My niece is in a similar situation as you were. Leave. Bad parenting and not letting kids grow up and coddling them more than necessary. My boyfriend seem to think that it is okay to sleep with his 9 year old daughter. I guess I’m a bad grandparent but I just will not agree to this. They would let me sleep in the guest bedroom, we would play together, or occasionally go out to eat. She goes to her dad’s and sleeps on the couch she sleeps with my daughter who is 15 every other weekend this girl cannot sleep in her room by herself. Preference mom. I am all for co sleeping. Like the article says. 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